June

I just love it when June has arrived....To me it means that summer has officially begun. And even though I am half a year past my 20th High School Reunion, I still get excited about summer. I just long to be near the ocean. There is nothing like hearing the waves crashing, smelling the salty sea air. If you couldn't find me as a teenager, check the beach. Chances are, that is where you will find me.

I don't think I will get back to Jersey this summer. I have tried to make it up at least once a year for a while, but I think I will have to pass this year. I am not on the best of terms with my family right now, and I don't want to impose on Heidi and Joe. I am sure they would welcome me, but they are still newlyweds, and they need their space. I may try to get away for a few days this summer and take Joseph to Myrtle Beach. I have never been, and I don't think he has, either. I would love to go and stay in Cape May, but I guess that will have to wait until next year.

Well, I think I am going to go and sit out on the porch with Max (I'm keeping him while Joey is....wherever.....Pensacola, maybe???) I love the smell of honeysuckle.

Jill

Forgiveness.....

Sometimes you need to forgive someone.....sometimes you need to forgive yourself.....sometimes both.

I have been walking around all day long with this song in my head, literally for the last 14 hours. So I thought maybe if I put it here, I could exorcise myself from it.

"Heart of the Matter"

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more? I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
...People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us,
Doesn't keep me warm

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, Baby
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

[Bridge]
There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down
You know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you, baby, 'cos life goes on
You keep carryin' that anger, it'll eat you inside

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore.....

We'll see if that will make it go away....I hope so....I don't need this in my head.

Jill

Mother's Day

Mother's Day is such a bittersweet holiday for me.....My favorite thing in the world....the thing I was put on this Earth for....is to be Joseph's Mom. So that is a warm and happy thing for me.

But.....This past week, 11 years ago, I lost my own Mama. She was only 61, so very young. I was the youngest of five children, and I never let them forget who the "baby" was. I absolutely adored my Mom. People will often-times say that their Mom is their best friend. In my case, that was sincerely true. True to the point that I was jealous of the years my siblings had before I was born that I missed out on.

I was only 27 when I lost my Mom. There are so many things I wish I could tell her, wish I could ask her. More than anything, I wish she could see Joseph, and how big and smart and handsome he has become.

I truly believe my life would be much different today, if my Mom were still alive....

To all the Mom's out there (and Aunt's, Grandma's, Godmother's, Sister's, and Friend's) Happy Mother's Day to you all....and many more.

And to the most beautiful woman ever to walk the Earth....Mrs. JoAnn Rogers....I love you, Mama. I miss you. I think of you every single day. I pray that you would be proud of me. I pray that I will be half of the Mother that you were.

Jill

New People

Did you ever meet someone you just clicked with? I don't mean in the romantic sense...I mean friend-wise. I am one of those people who is a bit of a loner. I don't make friends easily. I am a little on the shy side, when it comes to new people.

Well, tonight I went to dinner with Joy to our favorite Japanese restaurant. We sat down at the Hibachi Grill, next to the cutest couple with the most precious little boy. The little boy was shy and sweet and sooooo adorable. He had the most beautiful big brown eyes. And, as everyone who knows me knows, I am a sucker for boys with brown eyes.

Anyway, we sat through dinner and just talked the whole time. We shared food and stories. I ended up giving them one of my business cards, that I wrote for them to have 2 free meals on me that next time they come to Perkins. I just didn't want to break the connection. That kind of thing is rare for me. I hope to see them again sometime.

Here's to chance meetings and to friendship. While I may not make friends easily, I absolutely cherish the friends I do have. Love ya!!!

Jill

Mixed Up Schedule

I hate when you have a set routine and it is shot completely off course. I am so used to having Wednesday and Thursday off. They have been my set days of for well over a year now. Last week I had to go into work on Thursday to me to VP of Ops. That went well, but I didn't relish the idea of traveling into Knoxville on my day off for business. Oh well, it was only a half day. Now this week, someone forgot they needed to be off. What am I going to do? Tell them no and then they call out anyway. With the economy being what it is, you would think that people are thrilled to be game-fully employed. Not in Knoxville. If they don't like what you say, they have a million other choices to go to.

Anyway, that caused me to be off on Tuesday and Wednesday. Now my internal clock is all messed up. Plus I will have to work 6 days in a row. Not a big deal....I've done stretches as long as 29 days in a row. But when the days are mandatory 10 hour days with an hour commute, one way, it really does start to suck!!!

Tomorrow I have a manager meeting to lead. I HATE public speaking. But when it comes to my managers, I can do it. When I was in Florida for the GM conference, I had to get up and speak in front of about 40 people, most of whom were strangers.....the only thing that could have made it worse was if I was naked without my homework.....

Anyway, my boss has decided he either likes how I run my meetings or hates how I run my meetings. This is the 3rd meeting in a row he has decided to attend. He attends Kingsport's meetings because he doesn't like how Randy does it. He attends Greenville's because he DOES like how Nathan does it. I'm not sure where I fall.

Well, as they say, another day....another dollar. Or in this case, another 50 cents.

Peace & Love

Jill