Giving Thanks

Wow! What a month this has been! My prayers have been with my guy Kenny, who was in a terrible car accident that shattered his hip. Poor guy. I love you, Kenny! This was also the month of the horrific pictures of the destruction of Hurricane Sandy. She made a direct hit on Jersey and destroyed so much of my beloved beaches. The pier where Joey and I shared our very first kiss was destroyed. The damage from this storm is mind boggling. I got sick this month for the first time in forever. I just couldn't seem to shake it. Finally went to the doctor after 12 days, only to be diagnosed with pneumonia. Ordered out of work for 3 days. If I am not better after that three days, I am to come back to the doctor to be admitted to the hospital for IV antibiotics. Then Kenny has his car wreck. Three days off turns into 1 day off, followed by 10 days of work in a row. 112 hours in 10 days. Boy, I am wore out. Flat out. I am glad Thanksgiving is over. Very glad. We are actually celebrating our Thanksgiving tomorrow. I will be doing all the cooking. Prime Rib, turkey, stuffing, sweet potato casserole, corn souffle, broccoli casserole, mashed potatoes/turnips, pan gravy, and pumpkin cheesecake. I just love to cook!!! Okay, enough Dear Diary. I have to go to bed now. I slept 1/4 of the time I spent working yesterday. Can't remember the last time I was this exhausted. Night night. xoxoxo

This too shall pass....

This has definitely not been the best week of my life, and more specifically of my career...I have worked more hours in the last 10 days than I have worked in 7 days for several years now...It is getting rough on these old bones. Most days, I love my job. I like the normalcy of how one day flows into the next. Some things are a predictable routine that I just thrive on. But I also enjoy the fact that no two days are ever the same. This is not one of those "love my job," times. In fact, I kinda hate it right now. Started a couple weekends ago. Lost 2 full time cooks out of the blue. No big deal. We are experts in juggling the schedule around. Sure, my girl and I have to work separate some, but that's just how it goes sometimes. Then comes the week of buses. Have one late last Monday. Work from 5:30am to 8pm. Work 11 hours on Tuesday. This was after a busy weekend. Off from work. Relax a bit. Back to the grind on Friday. 11.5 hours. Saturday, more of the same. Sunday, get our butts handed to us. Just for fun, let's shut the phones down and the internet down. Thanks AT&T...Totally not a fan. Did I mention the 2 late buses? Work from 5:30am-8:30pm. Go home, iron clothes and go to bed. Get up and go to work. Still no phone. Still no internet. I should mention that this means having to call in every single credit card we run. Then enter it manually into the computer. In other words, each cc transaction takes more than 5 minutes from start to finish. Work for 12.5 hours. Go home, shower, iron. Close my eyes and get up to do it again. Work another 11.5 hours. Finally, finally...a day off. Nothing to do, right? Wrong!! How about get a text from work around 11am letting me know that the QA guy is there doing our surprise QA. Did it go well? Why, of course not! Surely you didn't think it would after the week I've had!! And this is one of those times that I have to remind myself that this too shall pass...and it will...just not quick enough!!! xoxoxo~~~cuz I need it!!!

My other babies...

I don't know about other people, but I absolutely cannot imagine my life without at least one dog in it. I love cats, too. But after losing my Smokey cat a couple years ago, I was too heartbroken to even consider another cat. These last couple of years have been the first in all of my life that I didn't have a gray cat named Smokey. But the thought of life without a dog is unthinkable to me. I love my fur babies beyond all reason. They bring so much happiness and laughter to my life. Without them, I feel like life would be so dull. My pups are alot of responsibility, and they take up alot of my day. Outside, inside, food, water, water, water, water, food, brush, play, pet, love and affection. My Max dog is getting so old. I know he has some pain, and I am doing what I can to manage it. He still has that adorable dog smile 90% of the time, though. So I do not think he is ready to leave me yet. I can't imagine my life without him. He has been the most loyal and loving friend I have had over the last 12 years...maybe ever. I love him and take care of him as tenderly as possible. I do what I can to make his life as comfortable as I can. I can't even bear to think of it... Then there is my Jake dog. Jacob Marley. Just to let you know, all of my dogs have middle names. The sole purpose of that is so they know when I mean business. You can laugh, but it is true. If they are outside or playing inside and I call to them, they can have selective hearing. If I tack their middle name to it, they know I am serious. Anyway, back to Jakey. Jake is a mutt dog that was the offspring of a litter from a dog I had that was supposed to have been fixed. Yeah, not so much. Anyway, Jakey is secrectly a genius. I truly believe that. I believe he keeps his superior intelligence a secret so that not much is expected of him. That brings me to Bella. Bella Jane. Bella is a beagle rescue. She was lost on the road and stuck between 2 concrete barriers. People were flying through the construction area, just barely missing her. She was terrified. We almost kept driving, because we didn't need another dog. But knowing we would have to drive throught the same area the next day, we couldn't bear the thought of seeing her dead in the road. We turned around a mile up the road, pulled over and got out to try to call to her. I am here to tell you that the idiots driving through the construction (it was dark) didn't slow down for me anymore than they did Bella. I was nearly run over by some fool in a hurry to get where he was going. Anyway, I was able to coax Bella over to me. We put her in the car and fed her from our dinner we were eating while driving. When we got home and examined her, she had what is called a cherry eye. It is where the muscle in the eye ruptures due to stress, strain, infection, etc. Took her to the vet, who identified her as a full blooded beagle, about a year old. He also said she had had a litter that hadn't been weaned long. The vet said that if he had to guess, he would say that her cherry eye was the result of giving birth to a litter of puppies. He said that it happens sometimes with smaller dogs, and that maybe her owners were using her for breeding purposes. In other words, she gave birth to a litter to be sold, they kept her until the pups were weaned, and then they tossed her so they didn't have to pay for the surgery to fix her eye. Grand total for the surgery: $40. People can be such assholes. Anyway, Bella is quite the diva of the house. She is prissy, but can be a little bad ass when necessary. She loves us all, but positively adores Joy. Last of all is my Lab puppy, Daisy JoAnn. Daisy for a dog we had growing up. JoAnn for my beloved mother. People might think it's strange that I named my dog after my Mom. Not anyone who knew her. I never knew a bigger animal lover than my Mom. And if it wasn't for my Mom, I wouldn't have this dog. Joy's Mom got Daisy to keep her company after her Dad passed. Four days later, she remembered that she isn't an animal person :-) Also, this dog had so much energy. She was about six months old or so, so she was already a good size. But she had no training. She was worried she would jump on her and knock her down. Quite frankly, I was worried about it, too. When she decided she couldn't keep her, she offered her to us. My immediate reaction was HELL NO. The last thing we needed was a 4th dog. The preacher is the one who offered this dog to Joy's Mom. When he called the people who had her, they were literally on the road the pound was on to drop her off. I thought about it and prayed about it. And then I thought, what would Mom do? There was my answer right there. My Mom once adopted a dog at the vet's. There was a box of puppies that said free to good home. Will be put to sleep at the end of the day. My Mom never approached the box, never looked in the box, nothing. As she was leaving the vet, she told the receptionist to pick out the ugliest one in the box and bring it out to her car. That is how we got Lucky. Lucky taught me to walk and fought off two German Shepards who tried to attack me in the back yard when I was 2. As I said, that was my answer. My Mom would never have allowed that puppy to go back to the pound and potentially be put to sleep. And neither would I. To be honest, Daisy is not the easiest dog. Think about Marley from Marley & Me. That is pretty much what life with Daisy is. But she brings me so much joy. This dog seems to sense that I am the one that saved her life. She loves absolutely everyone. But there is nothing for her like me. Right now, she is glued to my side, and that seems to be her favorite place to be. She is the wildest, most energetic dog I have ever seen. She tries so hard to behave, but it is almost like she can't contain the joy she has with the opportunity to live. I don't know what other dogs will find their way into my life to adopt me. But I do know that my life wouldn't be complete without them. Pontiff Maximus, Jacob Marley, Bella Jane, and Daisy JoAnn....I love you, you bunch of dogs!!! xoxoxo

9/29/08

Surrounded by all kinds of memories today....I think it comes with my son's birthday. Anyway, time to put them to bed, as I did then, one last time...Dedicated to 9/29/08... Tomorrow by Chris Young Tomorrow...I'm gonna leave here I'm gonna let you go and walk away Like every day I said I would And tomorrow...I'm gonna listen To that voice of reason inside my head Tellin' me that we're no good But tonight I'm gonna give in One last time Rock you strong In these arms of mine Forget all the regrets That are bound to follow... We're like fire and gasoline I'm no good for you You're no good for me We only bring each other Tears and sorrow But tonight... I'm gonna love you like there's no... Tomorrow... I'll be stronger I'm not gonna break down and call you up When my heart cries out for you And tomorrow... You won't believe it But when I pass your house I won't stop No matter how bad I want to But tonight I'm gonna give in One last time Rock you strong In these arms of mine Forget all the regrets That are bound to follow We're like fire and gasoline I'm no good for you You're no good for me We only bring each other Tears and sorrow But tonight... I'm gonna love you like there's noooo Tomorrow... Well, baby when we're good Ya know we're great But there's too much bad For us to think That there's anything Worth tryin' to save... But tonight I'm gonna give in One last time Rock you strong In these arms of mine Forget all the regrets That are bound to follow We're like fire and gasoline I'm no good for you You're no good for me We only bring each other Tears and sorrow But tonight... I'm gonna love you like there's no... Tomorrow... I'm gonna leave here I'm gonna let you go And walk away Like everyday I said I would.... Good night...sleep well...

What a Week!!!

I am not usually one of those people who can't wait for something to be over. I like to savor every day. When I have something coming up that I am looking forward to, I like for the time to be drawn out. The anticipation of an event that I am looking forward to is just as satisfying to me as the event itself. I can't say the same for something I dread. With something not so great on the horizon, I think of it like bad medicine. Take it and get it down and over with and move on. That is what this week has been like. I had a visit from the new VP of Ops. She didn't come to talk about my successes. She came to point out every flaw she could possibly find. I am capable of constructive critisism. Not many people are. But when you have to spend 4 hours seeing what someone sees wrong with you and the way you do things, it gets depressing. I do the very best I can everyday. To compound the issue, the new VP doesn't really seem capable of compliments. The former VP would come in and do the same, but he also celebrated successes. Who really wants to work for someone who is all about the negative. So this was my bad medicine for the month, I guess. And it is over. I am happy to say that my Regional Manager told me that my list of flaws was much shorter than any of the other stores she has visited so far. That made me feel some better, but I wouldn't have known that had my Regional not told me. Onward and upward!!! JC

Today

Busy day today. Acquired my very first adult primary doctor. I went to her because I am pretty sure I have a heel spur. As someone who spends 10 hours a day running around, this is not a good thing. Blood work, x-rays, and need a full physical. Love the doc though. Grocery shopping, preparing to plant the beginnings of my herb garden, dinner. Now I am getting ready to watch my Devils hopefully NOT be shut out of the Stanley Cup Championship. All in all a good day. Just hoping to avoid foot surgery. Although needles in my feet on a regular basis doesn't sound appealing either.

Prayers go up...Blessings come down...

What an incedible and exhausting few months this has been...Joy and I have spent the last several months guiding her Dad to the end of his journey here on earth. How heartbreaking it has been. Pop passesd from this life to the next in my arms. Joy and her Mom were not there. I think this is how he wanted it. The end was very peaceful. I am happy to say that he was saved several months before. Pop had a deep and strong faith. A few months before the end he decided he wanted to reaffirm his commitment. This gives the family a measure of comfort. Work has been okay. Numbers have been good. Good enough in fact that I won a coveted award at the GM conference this year. It was very nice to be recognized. Also very surprising. This was evidenced by the fact that as the congratulatory letter was read and as my name was announced~I was sitting there with my high heeled shoes off under the table. Wow...didn't see that one coming. I received a lovely letter and photos of the presentation and a gift card. I am very proud of my team and their efforts. Now I willngo watch my hockey game. Eastern Conference Finals. Go DEVILS!!!! Until next time...xoxoxo

Feelings

I have so many feelings running through me these days. I feel happy with how my love life is. I am content and fulfilled in my personal life. Joy and I get along so well. Love is so much kinder in your forties than when I was younger. Love in my younger years was passionate and spinning. Many highs and lows. Sometimes it seemed like the end of the world was at hand over a disagreement. Sometimes it felt like I owned the world when things were good. I have always been one of those people who felt like love is like a ferris wheel. There will be ups and there will be downs. When you are up so high, it is incredibly breathtaking. When you are low, it feels like the world has dropped out from under you. I lived that life for many years. Five years of dating Hell and then 16 years of life and love with my ex-husband. That isn't to say that days would go by where it was just an average day....In fact, that was part of our undoing. When my ex-husband lost his parents a month apart, and we lost my Dad, who was much like a father to Joey...It was truly the beginning of the end. All of the sudden, there were so many more lows. I walked around for the last 3 years we were together, and the better part of 3 years after we split up, trying to figure out what I had done wrong. I just knew I was to blame. Joey could never really explain to me why our once strong and healthy marriage disintergrated before our very eyes. I only knew that all of the hate, anger, and poison he carried around was directed to me. It took me a long time to work out for myself that I wasn't to blame. I also owe a thank you to my ex-husband for taking responsibility for his part in our divorce. I don't know to this day exactly what happened to him. He did his best to try to explain to me during the years when we tried to figure out what direction our relationship was going to take. For that, I will always feel gratitude. Joey is remarried now, and I couldn't be happier for him. I was afraid he would sabatoge his own life the way his father did and end up alone. I am so happy to say that is not the case. I think his new wife is perfect for him. I know that Joey and I learned many things from each other. And I think somewhere deep in his soul, he is glad for what we shared for so long.

Now, as I was saying, love in your forties is so much kinder. Things that would irritate me ten or twenty years ago no longer bring out the same reaction in me. I have learned patience...something I knew nothing about in my younger years. I have also learned that things that bothered me in the past no longer do. Whether that is because I have changed or because of who I am with, I don't know. Nor do I care. I am just glad about it. I have learned compromise. I used to be one of those people who always had to have my way. I am no longer like that, and this is a good thing.

How do I feel about my son? I am happy that he seems happy. His life is not going as his father and I planned, but his life isn't mine to live. He is healthy, he is happy, he is his own self. And God, do I love him. I love him more than anyone on the planet. Always have, always will.

As far as my job, there have been some disappointments as of late. A salaried manager who didn't work out. A change in the bonus program that I don't think is fair. The uncertainty of the economy. Work is work. I go. I do my best. I leave. That is the best I have in me right now.

So, overall, I guess you could say that my feelings are about what anyone else's might be. I am a little higher than mid level on that ferris wheel. And I can honestly say, if I were to stay here forever, I would be okay with that. :-)

Peace & Love

Jill

Saturday Night

Here it's another Saturday night. Used to be a song that went something along those lines...However, I DO have somebody. Lucky me, huh? I think so!!!

I get tired of going to bed at 9pm every night. Not that I sleep, but I am in bed by that time. Sometimes it gets old. Tonight is one of those nights. Had a great day at work. Now I am psyched up for tomorrows's football game. GO GIANTS!!! I get that thought in my head that if I go to sleep right now, I could sleep for 8 straight hours. Yeah right. Like that'll ever happen. People who don't suffer from insomnia have no idea what it's like. They don't know what it feels like to drag yourself thru your day, utterly exhausted. How the very first thought that enters your head when the alarm goes off is that I am going to try to go to bed early tonight.

Anyway, another quick mish mosh of thoughts throw down here. Guess I will go read my Kindle some more. So in love with this technology. It amazes me how I can breeze thru a book now.

Good night all....And if this seems jumbled and disjointed...blame it on the insomnia :-)

Late Happy New Year

Yes, I know...I am way behind. Kinda funny for someone like me, who regards punctuality as a very important thing. The holidays are behind us, and weren't they wonderful? I know they were for me. And I hope they were for all those I know and love.

This has been a really great start to the New Year. Probably the best I have had in years. Career wise, we were able to finish the second half of the year dramatically well. Finished just shy of meeting our budget numbers for the year. After finishing the first quarter at a dismal 67% and sitting at 77%, this is alot for my team and me to be proud of. And I am proud! But, as you all know, life is not work. Work to live...don't live to work. It is just that working 50 hours a week, plus 10 hours of commuting takes up a whole lot of my time. Sometimes I long for a 9-5 job, but I don't think it would suit my personality.

Joy and I just had out first day off together (not including Christmas) since early June. How nice to be able to spend the time together and just enjoy one another's company. We, along with her nephew Bobby and great nephew little Bob, as well as her sister Dawn, made the trek over the Smokeys to North Carolina to spend the night. Spent some time in the casino, and just hanging out together. Very enjoyable. I look forward to more of these days coming up, now that we have hired someone to hold down the fort at work. And how wonderful for me to know that I can count on my son to help out. Help out with the house, the dogs, and at work, too. Proud of my kid.

I have also been tremendously enjoying my Kindle Fire. If Joy would have sat and thought for 100 years, I still don't think she could have come up with a more perfect gift for me. Due to long hours of work, keeping up the house and the family, helping out with Joy's Dad when I can, I can't remember the last trip I made to a book store. I love to read. Hell, I will even check out the books in the Dollar Store when we are there. But now, having the Kindle, I can download books at my convenience. I can read the synopsis and reviews before I buy them. Then I have them forever. It still won't make me part with the book shelf of books I own. But it is so cool to be able to read at 4:30am on the way to work. Makes the commute go by much faster, and I feel as though I am actually accomplishing something. Within the first week of owning it, I downloaded about 10 books. I completed the entire Hunger Games series, as well as Stephen King's new novel 11/22/63. Nearly 900 pages, and I couldn't get through it fast enough. I sacrificed a couple of precious hours of sleep to finish it one night. And for anyone who has ever suffered from insomnia, as I have for the last 30 years (God...it feels weird to write that) you know what a loss that it.

Anyway, I know this has kind of been a mish-mosh of thoughts...but that is kind of how I feel right now.

I have a mandatory phone meeting in 30 minutes to prepare for, so I guess I better jet on outta here. Until then...

Peace & Love~~~Jill